The schizoaffective blogger blogging on any and or every topic (although mostly through the lens of film and television). With the hope that this shows how those dealing with psychotic illnesses are more than their diagnosis.
“May [this] be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”
galadriel, the lord of the rings
Suicide and hope…
Two words in our culture representing opposite sides of the spectrum.
The idea of someone dying by their own hands for many people means that the person must have lost hope. While the perception of someone filled with hope envisions a person filled with positivity. Filled with life.
In the end a life lost is a life lost.
Yet, the idea hope is lost on those of us who have thought of or died by suicide may counterintuitively be wrong. The reason most of us see someone who yearns for death as having lost hope is simply a measure of not being able to see a suicidal person’s perspective.
Through my own experience with wanting my own life to end I’ve found hope is not lost once you begin to take the idea of suicide seriously. No, from my own perspective it meant to find hope in the idea that I would be rid of the pain I dealt with in my physical form. For anybody else who has felt this it may be due to physical pain or emotional. Yet, either way, anybody who has felt such a way may find hope in an idea (religious or not) that such pain will end once their life ends.
So…
I must ask…
What do you feel when you watch this video?
Coming up short and losing out on what you thought could be is so very painful. Yet, as you can see with Derek Redmond you keep on getting up and attempting to finish. The more you do it by yourself though the pain becomes deeper and deeper until eventually you will either need to find help, help will come to you, or you will collapse completely never being able to see what would happen if you crossed the finish line.
Yes, we always respect the spirit of fighting to finish. We always want to do it on our own terms. Yet without help Derek Redmond likely does not cross the finish line of that race. For it to be his father I believe speaks volumes to who we are willing to trust in helping us along the way.
Oh, and Derek Redmond is now a motivational speaker if you didn’t know.
Fancy that!
Personally I have had a few little ideas that I have felt have saved me from committing suicide throughout the years. These ideas had to do with my loss of religion for the most part. First I thought that if I were to die by suicide then I would have no chance of things getting any better for me. Second, after I began having symptoms of schizoaffective disorder was that I would no longer be able to do good for those like me if I were to die (presuming that I can help to make the world a better place for those like me). Third though…
Well the third idea technically had been within me for quite a long time. The first time I started thinking of it in regards to suicide though was in 2012. As it goes…
Life is like walking along a sidewalk. This sidewalk is so very very long. Beauty (hope) can be found at any corner, block, any place you look really. Yet a corner on which you may find what you are looking for may be five feet away, five blocks away, or even five miles. Which can make it tough if you have to hike five miles for some hope. (Especially if, like me, you are obese).
In reality though you just have to be looking for said hope. If you cannot find any you need to look within and find why you are not seeing hope in what is around you. Maybe my metaphor is wrong for you personally. Maybe you need to be out in nature. Possibly, you need quite a few friends to help you along the way. We all need people to help us to get to where we want to go and furthermore where we feel we need to go.
I find hope in the many things I love. Sports, film, video games, etc. Yet, like anybody and everybody else we all need ourselves a Samwise Gamgee. One to tell us. One to help us. One to let us know…
When I first heard the news about Adrian Martinez’ injury come out I couldn’t help but feel, well…
Helpless.
Having watched this team play all season no matter what you may think of Adrian I do believe you have to admit that he is the heart and soul of the team (with the defense hot on his tail in second place). From what Coach Frost has said he has dealt with so much this season. Hell, throughout his career for that matter. For this season, possibly Martinez’ last, to come to an end in such a way just feels so wrong.
So it goes for some college football players though.
Some of them never get what they deserve in terms of glory on the field. Personally, as I want to see glory on the field brought back to the fore here in Husker Nation I also want one great season for Adrian Martinez in the Scarlet & Cream. Just one season where things work out like it felt they would when we first saw him take the field as a Cornhusker.
Famously, Bill Parcells said that your team is what their record says they are, but I just can’t help but feel this season of Husker football flaunts in the face of that idea. With every fiber of my being I believe this team was, and is, on the precipice of something great for them and Husker Nation. A win, a series of wins, or, maybe even a season that shows the world of College Football what Nebraska is all about.
And yet…
There is this piece of me that just wants to pack it in already. I have, and do, believe Scott Frost can get our Cornhuskers back to some sense of glory on the field. Yet there is this side of me that is already ready to move on. My reasoning, well, Bob Devaney wasn’t the hometown boy that came to Nebraska and brought his state to a place of glory in College Football. Why is it that we must rely on our past to bring about the future we want?
Then again, I hate myself for that. Just as so many of us Husker fans I cannot let go of that hope for some glory to come not only back to Husker Nation, but back from this place we had it before. This beautful, poetic, amazing way of bringing the Husker’s back to relevance.
I want the tradition of the Blackshirts to remain. I want to see some semblance of the offense be a reflection of our brand of run offense, the option. So badly I want to hear this…
To remain the way of Husker football. I never want it to leave.
In the first article I wrote about Cornhusker football on this blog I mentioned a story about my past. The fact that in my first year of playing football there is a moment I will never forget about the season we played as a team.
The moment I’m thinking of, the one so indelibly etched into my mind is of the QB of our football team running down the sideline and into the end-zone with such little time remaining that we would go on to win the game.
The moment was so incredible to me, especially with it being my first season of tackle football ever, for quite a number of reasons. The reason that seemed to be most important at the time was that we had lost to the very team we beat on that amazing play earlier in the season and winning that game meant we won the division of football that year for our age group.
Years later, as I write this, what seems so much more important to me is that in the moment I saw my quarterback running down the sidelines the biggest reason it was so amazing was because I no longer believed we were going to win that game. I had given up on winning expecting that we would have to kiss our cousins and deal with a tie game.
Now that may not seem too big a deal. Thinking you might tie in a game where there is no overtime and it’s a bunch of 6th and 7th graders playing is…
Kinda expected.
No, the reason I find the little tidbit that I had given up on winning the game is because first of all we’re taught to never give up until the final whistle blows. Second, I’ve come to understand that saying to be not only something to hold onto, but one of those sayings that, even if it were a lie, is a beautiful one. Lastly, because a few years after living through that moment my first year of tackle football I saw a movie that made me understand how and why we had to live up the saying “it’s never over ’til the fat lady sings.”
Which is ironic because even though I root for the team to win every time I watch this movie, even though the last play has me standing cheering every damn time, the ending of the game is always the same. Odessa loses.
Friday Night Lights is one of my favorite movies of all time, and is, most definitely, my favorite football movie of all time.
“Yeah, and you can shut up too” Denzel!
My favorite thing to say about Friday Night Lights is that any time you see it after your first viewing you are still rooting for Mike Winchell to make it across that goal line and win the game for Odessa, Texas. And in fact…
I do promise you that if you watch Friday Night Lights again tonight you will be rooting for that quarterback to somehow pull off the miracle win. But, that isn’t the point.
You see what is actually the best part of the film Friday Night Lights is the message it sends. Now that message goes far beyond the realm of sports. It passes that by completely and does something even grander in my opinion, but…
For the sake of this article let’s stick to the message it sends to athletes everywhere. A message you don’t have to read into. You don’t have to look it up. The message is right there for you to see and hear. And… it’s right there at just the right time for you to see and hear it. The message, of course, is about…
Perfection
Now…
When you watch that I want you to think about Nebraska Football this year.
What do you think?
Most of you have been rooting for the Cornhuskers all your life. We’re always rooting for perfection. A season that ends with a record that shows no losses. A championship season.
But, ask yourself, how do you feel about how our Cornhuskers played this season? Yes the outcome is disappointing, of course it is. Yet, this team has played their hearts out. How can you possibly believe differently?
The team has made mistakes. They’ve shot themselves in the foot sometimes. But have they played their hearts out?
I’d say that’s a resounding “Yes!”
So…
We have four quarters. For us fans four for the rest of the season. For the players, some of them at least, that’s four quarters for the rest of their lives. No more football, no more playing their hearts out for us, the University of Nebraska, and anything which may be greater.
Do you want to sulk and think about how imperfect the season was in terms of the outcomes of games? Maybe, in many of your eyes, in terms of the coaching? Because me?
I say we root our asses off one last time.
The football players play their asses off one last time.
The coaches coach their ass off one last time.
For Nebraska the state. The University. Themselves. Ourselves. Each other.
Each season brings new beginnings. I believe this season, although painful, has set us up for something great next year and further on into the future.
Well because of what I am about to put into the internet’s hands. You know the internet just as well as I do. It can be a hellish landscape to traverse. And, pretty soon, you, me, and everybody’s mom is about to find out what I have noticed. I have no idea what that means.
Yes. The title of the article is true. I have found hope on the internet. Right now it’s just embers left smoldering underneath the log, but it’s there.
You right now.
I understand. Really, I do. I can get why you would sit there from your perch trying to shout down my murmured words. If it weren’t for the fact I saw the hope with my own eyes I would be right there with you.
So what is it?
Where?
Funny story. Finding what proves there is still hope on the internet isn’t nearly as hard as you would think it is. Some of you are probably scoffing because there are tons and tons of gifs, tik tok videos, youtube videos, etc. of cats and dogs that are easy to find. Yet…
There are also sites dedicated to furries.
Rule 34 of the internet is a thing and it can get pretty weird.
No, what I’m talking about is technically an intangible oddity. There’s a video that shows where something would’ve come from, yet never did. And you most definitely would think that the internet in all it’s fucked up self importance would take hold of it and run into the ground.
The moment came and passed like…
Like…
Well…
Okay, I’ve gone on long enough.
Behold…
Do you get it?
I’ll explain here in just a second, but just think about it.
Don’t worry. I’ll wait.
Okay, did you figure it out?
There is no such meme!
Go ahead and search through the internet. I dare you. Double dare you. I promise you aren’t going to find a crying Jordan meme made out of him crying while giving his eulogy for Kobe Bryant. In fact if you find a meme of Jordan crying using that crying Jordan I will run down the main street of my city naked on video.
2021-09-23T12:00:00
days
hours minutes seconds
until
I Will Run Down Main St. Naked
Yes, internet. I am that serious.
But ignore that for one moment.
Think about how amazing it is that the internet still hasn’t used that image of Jordan crying as a joke. The odds seem impossible. We all laughed at the meta joke for a bit, but we left it alone. And… in so many ways I want to know, why?
The most legendary figure in all of sport gave us the opportunity and not a single person took it.
And it can’t be our respect for Jordan. This exists…
Now What?
Well we could just go on with our lives understanding the internet has the capability to do the right thing. That once in a blue moon we show what we are capable of as human beings as a whole. (You beautiful bunch you).
Or, we could ruin it. Take the road we always travel on the internet through the hellish landscape Rick Sanchez wouldn’t take Morty down. Make the meme. Lose hope all together.
But…
Is there is another way?
Am I too bold in thinking…
What if we were to take the time to make the right meme? The one that matters most of all. Something you only see on rare occasions. The meme of all memes.
The one you bring out of your bag of tricks when you need to cheer up someone in mourning. when someone is depressed. Dare I say when someone is crying.
Nahhhh…
It could never happen.
The internet could never be so…
Good.
Any meme used to get me to run naked down Main St. must have the timestamp showing it was created before today Sept. 22, 2021.
So the story goes that shortly “after Ronnie Van Zant’s grandmother and Gary Rossington’s mother died, they got together in Van Zant’s apartment and started telling stories about them. Rossington came up with a chord progression, and Van Zant wrote the lyrics based on advice the women had given them over the years. They wrote it in about an hour.” (songfacts).
Now I don’t know about you but the first question I ask myself is how damn smart were Ronnie and Gary’s grandmother and mother?
To be able to give that type of wisdom to your child seems like a rare gift to have.
I mean I love my parents dearly, but neither of them have ever sat me down and told me anything nearly as wise as what the young man in Lynyrd Skynyrd’s famous song hears from his mom.
Now, of course, the profound wisdom this mom teaches to her child is in fact a multitude of stories. These stories coming from two separate women. Still, that is a lot of wisdom to have come out of two parents. Let alone for that wisdom to be so singular in how it sounds when the two parents aren’t a mother and father.
The truth of the tale spun by Lynyrd Skynyrd I have no idea of. What I do know is the song is brilliant. The song isn’t just a brilliant piece of music, it’s a life lesson.
So…
What Makes Simple Man So Great?
For anybody to understand how brilliant the song Simple Man is in it’s construction you oddly have to know a little bit of psychology.
You see, the fact of the matter is that when someone is telling us something, pretty much anything, we are more likely to listen to what they have to say if they say their source is a parent. Which is why I will always tell you the construction of Simple Man lyrically is so god damn brilliant.
Do I think that Lynyrd Skynyrd thought about this while they were creating the song?
I honestly have no clue.
In fact, they say things went entirely differently as you can see above.
Yet still, this bit of psychology is a part of what makes the song so brilliant. (Other than the fact the wisdom given is in fact very profound).
Conclusion
Let’s be honest.
You already knew Simple Man was a brilliant song with some lyrics to live by. But…
Now you can go on and tell people part of the reason the construct of how the wisdom within the song is given is so smart. Furthermore you just learned a tiny bit of psychology without really doing much but clicking on an article about one of your favorite songs.
And…
If you’ve never heard the song, then go right on ahead and sing along with me once you listen to…
It can be really hard to believe at this point in time for so many young college football fans around the country that fifty years ago this year Nebraska vs. Oklahoma was a game that defined the college football world. A game so good that it was, and in the eyes of many still is, The Game of the Century. A game between two great programs throughout college football’s long and storied history. A game defined by this play…
And you know what?
I don’t remember it. At least not having personally experienced that Game of the Century. I wasn’t even alive.
I’m 29 going on 30 coming up early in this next year. I grew up with only a hint of the greatness that can come from the Nebraska Cornhuskers. The only reason I cheered when the 94′, 95′ and 97′ teams won was because my family was cheering for it so I was excited.
I’ve talked about this before but the Nebraska Cornhuskers I know would lose this game coming up this next Saturday. It makes total sense given what we’ve been the past few years. Hell, even if we were good enough to beat them, like in some years past, we would still lose because that is what we do now.
So why even write this?
Well because I have hope.
What hope? You may ask.
How on earth do we have hope against the #3 ranked team in the nation this upcoming weekend? At their house by the way.
I’d ask “why not?”
That’s not a good enough answer though.
What gives me hope?
Well, let’s see. There’s the fact that Tulane kept it close versus Oklahoma. There’s Nebraska’s defense (even if Oklahoma’s offense can score on a whim). Oh, and I know you’re gonna hate me for this, but, there was a hint of optimism there in how Nebraska played offense against Buffalo.
No, these are not the types of things that show we will definitely beat Oklahoma. If you’ve read my past article I don’t think it’s entirely about winning the game this weekend.
Sure a win this weekend would be amazing. Yet, what if we lose a close game? Wouldn’t that still show some progress. Even from the first week of the season against Illinois to now. For sure from the time Scott Frost has been head coach here at Nebraska.
Who wants that though? Just a close game?
I mean that is cool and all and it does show some progress as a team, but we as Nebraska Cornhusker fans want Nebraska back. We want that sweet sweet W over Oklahoma. Something. A sign we can do it, that we can make it back into the spotlight.
Nearly fifty years since we won The Game of the Century why not this year?
You still don’t believe, do you?
Our offense still hasn’t played anywhere near it’s potential. Which always hurts our defense. So how the hell our we, the Nebraska Cornhuskers of 2021, going to win against a really good Oklahoma team?
In so many ways all I can do is be honest and say I don’t know.
But…
I’ll always allow myself to believe. Why not? Why not us? Why not this time? Why not this week? Why not this year?
The year we celebrate fifty years since our win in The Greatest Game of the 20th Century.
So I say this year would be the year for us to make our return to the big stage, wouldn’t it?
We wouldn’t be the first and we sure as hell won’t be the last of teams in the colllege football world that lost a game to a mediocre team in the beginning of the season only to get better and better along the way. To just make clear we still belong.
I say it happens September 18th, 2021.
The day we know, the day Nebraska declared in one voice. We will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish without a fight. We’re going to live on. We’re going to survive. Today…
Wait…
Just a second.
Damn it! That’s Independence Day.
Sorry guys. That’s my bad. You know what let’s just do it like this…
There, that’s more befitting of the day the Cornhuskers let it be known we are still here. We are still a team to be reckoned with.
I implore you to join me, whether at your TV, in Norman, Lincoln, anywhere around the country, the world, to root your ass off for the ultimate statement made this regular season by your Nebraska Cornhuskers.
If you know me at all then you know I really like to watch reaction videos. Furthermore, I like to watch people play video games on YouTube as well. (“Yeah, screw Twitch”).
For my own personal viewing I like to watch two specific channels on YouTube play video games (sometimes a third).
First, I love to watch the channel’s Outsidexbox and Outside Xtra which I consider one channel really. They are intelligent about they play games, they understand the games they play and the industry in which they are made very well, and oh my god do they have some of the funniest comments to make while playing the games they play.
Second, and equally as fun, I love to watch a channel called Preview’d Gaming. Mainly they are a reaction channel for TV shows and movie trailers, but they started playing video games on the channel as well which led them to create a gaming channel, Preview’d Gaming.
When it comes to watching Jay and Adam play video games on the Preview’d channel I personally love it because they love the video games they play, but also, in relation to the Outsidexbox and Outside Xtra, their kind of dumb about playing games. Let me remind you these two are not actually dumb, just the way they play, specifically, Resident Evil sometimes compared to the other channels I watch.
The reason I love to watch them “dumbly” play their way through Resident Evil?
It is hilarious. Specifically because Adam tends to get scared kind of easily. Which can be one of the funniest things you’ll see on the internet in my opinion. For example:
Really, you should watch the whole series of videos of them playing Resident Evil 2 so…
Why do I love watching these people play the video games they play though?
Why do we as viewing audiences on streaming platforms love to do it so much?
Well, with games like Resident Evil the answer can be pretty easy. Watching people get scared playing a video game can be fun, and funny, as all get out.
We aren’t all watching people play games like Resident Evil though. Especially not all the time like I do. Some like to watch people play Fortnite. Some like Among Us (well, I do to). Some like to watch people play FPS (first person shooter) games. There are tons of people watching a lot of different other people playing all different types of video games.
Hell, before we even had these streaming platforms to watch people play video games on we were watching people play video games. How many times did you sit around watching a friend who was better at Guitar Hero play on extreme difficulty? How many of you watched somebody play through Dead Space and laugh when the person playing got scared (secretly being as scared as they were)?
We’ve been doing it since Atari.
Okay, maybe you weren’t watching your friends play pong for very long dad, but you get what I mean.
So what is the real reason?
Science says mimicry.
“The logic behind the growing popularity of simply watching others play games can be found in the phenomenon of mirror neurons. These are specialist brain cells that seem to play some role in an animal’s ability to mimic.
There is increasing evidence that babies use mirror neurons to copy and learn facial expressions, and to mimic sounds. The idea is that when we see, for instance, a facial expression for the first time, mirror neurons fire in our brains giving us a map of how to copy that same expression through the neural connections to our faces.
There is also some evidence of mirror neurons’ involvement in areas such as empathy. These mirror neurons appear to contribute to a brain system that helps us relate what we observe in others to our own experiences.
Of course you do. Provided you are 21 or older (and you sneaky sneaky teens).
Well for a few years now me and my family like to play drinking games. We love to watch movies together so we like to drink and watch some sort of film. Saying film though is a bit of an overstatement because when we like to drink and watch a movie we like to watch a certain type. Specifically we like to watch good bad movies.
If you do not know what a good bad movie is then I would tell you to read this article right here…
If you took the time to at least read the beginning of that article then now you know what a good bad movie is. The type of movie that is so bad that it is actually entertaining to watch.
My family’s favorite?
Armageddon. The film is so terrible yet so amazing to watch.
Yet I’m not here to talk about any of the time’s my family has sat down to watch Armageddon and drank profusely. No I’m here to talk about a movie with an actor you know so well. So very terribly well. That is because he is in so many movies. So many terrible, awful movies that you can catch anywhere.
His name?
Nicholas Cage.
The movie?
National Treasure.
You see when my family sits down to watch a movie and drink like I said we like to watch movie so bad that it is actually good. National Treasure is one of the best examples of this type of movie. So, how do we go about choosing the good bad movies that we are going to watch. Well it’s very simple we go to sites like The Ringer and look at lists of good bad movies and try and decide which ones we are interested in watching and getting drunk while we watch it.
Always, always though, I make sure to look up drinking game rules and write them down on in a notebook so we have the rules right there for us to look at and make sure to follow them. To be honest most of the rules for watching National Treasure don’t really matter and aren’t interesting to this story. No, there is just one rule. One rule to rule them all and in the darkness bind them. A rule so powerful, so dark and twisted now that I think about the movie we were watching that it is twisted somebody decided that should be something to watch out for and drink to during the film.
What is the rule?
It is a simple one.
All you have to do is drink every time someone in the movie says treasure.
That ladies and gentlemen is a terrible rule. I would tell you how many times they say it but I don’t count so well anymore after all the brain cells I lost watching National Treasure and drinking every time the word treasure is said.
Now, that is interesting in some ways. It’s also funny. But that’s not the best, most funny, part of the story here.
See along with my family liking to drink and watch good bad movies they also like to talk. A lot. They in fact like to talk so much that some times it can be hard to keep up with them.
So, as you probably could expect, when they get drunk they start saying stuff all the time. So what were they saying this time? Well this time every time the word treasure was said my family would shout out “treasure.” They would shout it so loud that it would scare the dogs we have.
Now…
Tequila!
I used to love it. Can’t drink it anymore. Just makes me throw up. And when I say it makes me throw up I don’t mean I drink too much and vomit. I mean that I can take a single shot that I used to love and now I will, seconds later, feel the need to run to the bathroom.
I wasn’t the one drinking tequila this night though. That would be my dad.
While we all sat on the couch or on the recliners my dad sat at the kitchen table and drank tequila shots and had a bunch and bunch of limes with him.
Every time the word treasure was said in the movie we drank. We drank a lot. My mom, sister, and I though were drinking mixed drinks. Dad, well you know already what he was doing. All the time we kept shouting treasure when the word was said. We screamed treasure and drank.
The longer this went on the more slurred the word treasure sounded coming out of our mouths. Yet, at some point we started to notice that it was much more dramatic coming from father’s mouth. Still, we drank on, we kept yelling treasure. We had fun.
The point we realized something truly was wrong though was when my dad got up, slightly stumbled over towards the recliner my mom was sitting in, and sat down next to her on the large cooler sitting next to her that we use to keep stuff in (it’s weird).
Very soon after my dad sat down he started lightly caressing my mom’s lower arm (don’t start people). This is when we looked over to the large bottle of tequila that we had bought from Sam’s Club. Cheap ass tequila. Cheap ass tequila that dad seemed to have drank enough of to kill ya.
This is about the time that I started walking back and forth between rooms to watch the UCLA vs. Gonzaga game (yes, that game). Soon I was complaining that we should probably turn to the game because it was a really good one (me and everybody else in the country).
So, luckily for us, we turned it over to the game for the end of the 2nd half. When the end of regulation hit I ran to go to the bathroom when all of a sudden I heard a large thud and my mom and sister half concerned half laughing their asses off.
My dad had gotten up to go over to the couch when he tripped and fell face first into the automan (I don’t know how to spell). I came out to see what had happened and my dad was just laying there laughing his own ass off. Luckily he had fallen face first into the cushiony part.
So, we got him up and put him on the couch and watched overtime. About halfway through dad passed out. He kept waking up a little and hugging our pug Lucy sitting next to him. In fact if you ever meet me people I’ll have to show you the picture of it.
Next, well, the best moment in the NCAA tournament happened next. We lost our fucking minds. Even though we had been rooting for UCLA this was just a moment we would never forget for the rest of our lives. Hell, for multiple reasons. Now, I call it the Tequila Treasure Incident.
We never did finish National Treasure that night. We had to take care of my dad. I mean it was so bad he had to hold onto my shoulders as I led him to the bathroom he was so drunk. Not only that but both him and me are big enough that when he passed out again on the couch, when we finally got him back to it, we had to leave him there for the night with a trash can sitting next to him.
So that’s it. That’s the story.
Forever the Tequila Treasure Incident.
And never forget it.
All donations go to getting my dad some better tequila. : )
Think for a moment about the state of our country here in the USA.
Breath…
Take a moment longer…
No, even longer than that…
Damn it. I told you to breath…
Now think about it.
Black and white is how it is correct? Never mind the major issue of equality for those of color. A major issue that needs to be taken care of, #blacklivesmatter. But besides that everything is so part and parcel. Nothing seems to be agreed upon in this country.
From the LGBTQ rights to COVID to, hell, even that god damn picture of a dress that looks different to everyone (wow that’s already old as hell) causes people to argue. Nothing is able to be looked at in any objective manner it seems. At the least there are two sides to it and nobody wants to give an inch to the other. Politically, socially, etc.
Which makes sense in so many ways to us in this country because it’s what we live in and have had to for a while now. But…
Why on earth can we not decide what to watch on a streaming platform?
In so many ways it would seem that with so much to choose from nobody would be able to make a choice. Yet if it’s so black and white then on the other hand you would think it would be arguments between different people of different backgrounds, opinions, political parties, etc. that would be arguing over what to watch. And yet it’s not just different people arguing with themselves over what to watch on Hulu.
It is each and every one of us. All of us even if we’re alone at the house. We sit there and search for hours and hours at a time trying to figure out what to watch. Many of us may actually fall asleep before we ever even find something where we’re willing to sit and watch for an hour and a half. Hell, Netflix has an option to just put it on shuffle and still we want to decide ourselves but can’t.
Oh, and my god do we have issues deciding which platform to watch something on. With so many options we have the ability to view so much content that we would die sitting there choosing if we tried to go through everything. Now that I think about it I’m worried that may have already happened somewhere. Think about it. Steve hasn’t been seen since we all saw him buy that apple TV and apple TV+ combo.
I don’t know anymore how we fix this problem. It seems to be getting worse and worse the more content is being produced. None of us want to go to the theater anymore because of it, yet we all just sit there and look at our TV trying to find something never actually being able to decide.
Oh well. It’s just our lives and our time right. Who cares?
Anyway, I’ll see you later.
I’m going to go watch Batman.
Nah…
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. That sounds better.
Wait.
Just a second.
Actually I think I’m watch The Lord of the Rings series.
Nahh, that will take to long.
I guess I’ll just go search for something on Amazon Prime. I’ll find something. Eventually…
Just a little short story of mine adapted from the films and something else very special to me.
I guess you’re wondering how I got here. Telling this story to you. It all started that night, the night of my revenge. The night I had been waiting for all those years in the water. Growing stronger and stronger I was ready to let loose on those who deserved it. Those god damn teens.
The only thing to complain about was these old rotten bones. I had become old in my time in the Crystal Lake. Strong, but old. Almost weary. Yet I had to answer mother’s call. I had to get my revenge. This had to happen.
The first kill was easy. Some stupid kid stood by a tree trying to piss. With a quick hard swing of the machete in my hand his head was off. The blood spurting from all those veins. It covered the tree, the bushes around it, even the smell of his stinking urine couldn’t cover up the smell of iron.
Next was about as simple. Foolish sexy teens making love in that creaky old dirty bed of in the cabin. The cabin reeked of sex, in fact they weren’t making love they were… they were fucking. Fucking disgusting. These selfish teens not paying attention to the kids they should be watching over this whole time.
Then it became troublesome. She was a fighter I’ll give her that. In fact she was so good I almost began to root for her. Locking all the god damn doors. Climbing out the window too small for me to get through. Climbing back into the house when I would go outside to catch her disgusting self.
It became so difficult with this stinking girl. She was making a monkey out of me. I almost felt I couldn’t do my preordained work under these conditions as the creaky bones rubbed bare against each other where my knee once was. But…
Mom said “kill, Jason, kill.”
So I must kill.
Soon enough the disgusting young stupid teen girl made a mistake. I rushed as fast as I possibly could. It felt almost like I was teleporting next to her. And then…
She was in my grasp. My hand around her throat. She tried to beg but nothing came out. I crushed her wind pipe as roughly as I could. Blood began to gurgle from her mouth. It was such a pleasing sound. That beautiful bloody gurgle.
She was dead. Like a rag doll I threw her against the wall of the cabin she had crawled out of. I was almost free. One final teen to go. That annoying sniveling blonde haired idiot in his tight leopard print swimsuit. Acting like a hammock for the the most precious of godly creations.
Ahem…
I mean that disgusting, horribly lengthy thing. No… God damn it. It was just that little prick was so annoying. I had to kill him last. It would be the pleasure of a lifetime. Or of my long awaited journey to finally rest.
I saw him run towards the one cabin I hadn’t broken down the door to yet. His muscular thighs glistening with sweat. Soon he would feel the sting of that sweat in the deep wound I would give to him before he begged for death.
He reached the cabin and quickly closed and locked the door. Slowly but surely I walked up to the front of the cabin ready to break that door down and have my revenge, but he was on the other side of the front window. He was…
He was dancing. Dancing as if he were sexy. It was infuriating. I became so enraged. Steaming. The little blood left in my veins was flowing every which way as quick as it could. He had gotten away with it for a little bit, but soon he would be mine.
I started breaking down the door with my machete. Bits and chunks of wood flew away until soon enough I could see him at the other end of the room in his tight leopard skin thong. That banana hammock of his. Suddenly… I froze.
I could no longer move. I couldn’t… I couldn’t accept what I was seeing. Which wasn’t even the last of it.
As I stood there frozen in place he began to dance again. He swayed from side to side swinging his arms in front of him. It was… it was, well, sexy. This was a peep show I had never wanted anything to do with, yet… there I stood. Frozen as the teen did his sexy, seductive, dance.
I… I started to like it. I couldn’t help it. He was so tantalizing. At this distance I simply wanted him closer, and, almost as if he knew, he began moving his way towards the door. Dancing all the way up to the whole in the wood.
He opened it. He… he wanted to give me a better view. He was getting bold. Even bolder than before.
He got closer. Then closer and… even closer.
He… he began to touch me.
I couldn’t resist it. I liked it. I loved it.
He was humiliating me as I stood there frozen in place and I loved it.
I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore after that evening. I don’t know what happened to me. There was no reason that disgusting teen should have been able to seduce me. I don’t even like men that young.
I guess… I guess I just have to move on. To stumble through the rest of my life knowing I’ll never forget that night with Chad.
I… I…
. . . . .
“Jason, honey what are you doing?”
“Shit, I mean, nothing Blake.”
Just checking out this new video on YouTube.
. . . . .
I have to leave, I’ll finish writing this journal later, but I’ll never forget that night.
-Jason
Watch for a about 15 minutes for all of it.
Shoutout to the crews of @OutsideXbox and @outsidextra crews.
If you couldn’t tell by the fact I make TikTok videos out of old husker highlights I’m a Nebraska boy born and raised.
Well, I’m 30 years old now. A man. Or, a man-child. Whatever you want to call me you can, but I live in Bloomington, Illinois. I moved here from Windsor, Colorado. I’ve now lived in Bloomington for something like 14 years. Yet…
I hail from the great state of Nebraska. Why do I still consider myself to be from Nebraska? Why do I still consider a midwestern state mostly known for nothing and cornfields is great? It’s complicated.
So complicated that this video only plays in 480p.
You see, as I already stated I was born and raised in Nebraska, specifically, Lincoln, Nebraska. For most of the first 10 years of my life I didn’t even care about football. I played youth soccer, once I figured out about MJ I wanted to play basketball, but football I didn’t care about very much. Apparently when Nebraska won it’s first championship in 23 years I was excited as all get out, but that was because of the excitement of all the people I loved. I wasn’t worried about no football.
Then came 2001 and the first year I was paying any attention to football and Nebraska was good. So good in fact that we (there it is) went to the National Championship game. We were so excited at school, but there was that one kid who had to go against the grain telling the rest of us we were going to lose. He was so wrong! We were going to woop Miami’s ass. Or, since I was in grade school a-s-s. We, the team, were so much less good than Miami that we lost 37-14.
It wasn’t even that close. (Although you still don’t have the best team of all time Miami, apologies to Dan Le Batard, actually now that I think about it we may not have that title either, never mind…).
This deterred my spirit. Even worse is that later that year the other team I was rooting for in a football championship game, you might know it, the Super Bowl, lost to this scrappy little underdog of a team called the Patriots. Yet there was something about the game that appealed to me.
Well, it’s quite obvious in hindsight as someone who was bullied and would get in trouble for physically retaliating to the bullying because I was bigger, I had anger issues. I needed to vent them out. Football became a great tool for me at the time I started playing it in the fall of 2002.
I’ll never forget going 6-1 my first season, of which I was on the 6th graders team instead of the 5th graders team due to my size. (I was a chunky boy). I’ll never forget crying after our only loss of the season and getting angry at my parents for trying to cheer me up. The camaraderie I felt with my teammates as we ran around the practice field doing the Titans chant from Remember the Titans. And… most definitely I will not forget our quarterback running down the sideline towards the end-zone with seconds waning as we avenged our only loss in the championship game.
Football had become, to say the least, a major part of my life.
Which brings me to my first major Husker memory.
You can watch the whole game if you desire. You can think of me sitting in my cousins house in the basement moving from seat to seat. Putting my foot under my leg as I sat and then bringing it back out in front of me like some sort of penance for the win I thought might come. All you need to see is the play I’ll never forget though.
Jamal Lord, a very good running quarterback for Nebraska, dropped back to pass and threw the ball into double coverage on the right side of the field. An interception to seal the victory for Texas and to seal my heart forever into games I should know better than to think Nebraska can win.
You see it’s never been about the wins for me because, to be honest, I haven’t seen that major Nebraska Cornhusker victory yet (in a sense). Yes, I listened to the 2006 comeback against Texas A&M on the radio since I couldn’t watch the damn thing. I saw the 2009 game against Mizzou in the rain. The game against Oklahoma that same year. I saw the amazing games Taylor Martinez and the gang had against good opponents in 2010. Yet, I still haven’t seen a victory by “my” Cornhuskers that feels as completely bonkers in scale and opponent as anything in the 90’s or early early 00’s. (and I was at one of, seemingly, the two greatest moments in Nebraska Football history during the 2010’s in person).
So…
What is it about? Why, after years of Nebraska being generally mediocre to bad, do I keep coming back each year with hope that this next year will be different?
Well, first off let’s just get it out of the way. I’m a fan. That is short for fanatic. Look up fanatic on google and this is what you’ll find as a definition, “a person filled with excessive and single-minded zeal, especially for an extreme religious or political cause.” As synonyms there are words like zealot and extremist.
Now I like to think of myself as a somewhat realistic fan, but…
I am still a fan. A fanatic.
And boy do I love my team, but then, why do we love our teams the way that we do…
I mean psychologically it makes sense, correct? We want to be part of a group. We bask in the glory when there is a win with these other people. The sport draws us closer to loved ones. To all of those around us who support the same team. Even when we lose we try and pick each other back up. “Maybe next time” we say.
Which, along with the video about super fans, brings me to a story I love about Nebraska football and its fans. You see Tom Osborne, coach of Nebraska for 25 years, was friends with another head coach the late great Bobby Bowden who was coach at Florida St. (a 33 year tenure). I mention that because I cynically assume it had a tiny bit to do with Bobby Bowden’s actions, but none the less Bowden’s FSU Seminoles came in to Memorial Stadium in Nebraska and beat the Cornhuskers 18-14. When the game was over Nebraska fans stood up and applauded the Florida St. team as they walked to their locker room. Bowden then wrote a letter to Nebraska fans which was published in The Omaha World Herald thanking them for their hospitality.
On our good days as fans you can still catch us applauding the other team as they leave and head to the locker room.
See, this is part of why I love the Nebraska Cornhuskers. You see partly due to my bullying as a child where I would be bullied by the group and left alone by each and every member when alone with them I have a distrust of groups. Yet the stories of “my” fanbases hospitality towards others is legendary.
You’ll hear the story’s of other fanbases members coming to Lincoln for a game and being invited by many different members of the Nebraska fanbase to come tailgate with them (man am I looking forward to the days we can get together like that again). You’ll hear the story’s of the applause like I said earlier. See, what I mean is that Nebraska fans seemed like the group to me (and admittedly they were touted as such by members of the group) that actually showed what I needed to see in groups. Something good something right.
So it never mattered if we won or not. It sucks yes, but it feels that unlike some psychology studies of fans will say (where they disassociate from the team when they lose) that when “we” the Nebraska Cornhuskers lost, we the fanbase lost. Yet that never stopped us from doing the right and good thing.
Which brings me to my favorite husker moment of all time. The one I wasn’t even alive for….
You see it wasn’t just the fans it was the team itself that did the right thing. For those that don’t know there was no overtime back in the 1980’s so if Nebraska had simply kicked the extra point the game very likely ends in a tie. Many will tell you that if that happened Tom Osborne and that Nebraska Cornhusker football team in all likelihood get the national championship by vote that year. Yet, they went for two. Which I can understand you calling it stupid, but as Herm Edwards once said “you play to win the game!” So Nebraska went for the two point conversion and failed.
I never saw the moment live or in person, yet it is the husker moment I am proudest of as a fan. I have never personally remembered one of the great wins in Husker history (at least in my mind) so the loss, possibly a moral victory, you might say, means the most to me.
I hope one day I see a championship won by the Cornhuskers, but I don’t need to to keep rooting for them.
I will always root for them because of what they have meant to me in my life in the lessons I have learned in what I knew was right and what I came to understand was right.
“But, these aren’t those old Nebraska Cornhuskers” you say.
No they may not be. Not yet. (Although maybe we just haven’t seen this bunch enough yet). (Although maybe there were alway problems in the program we just didn’t notice or didn’t think about because of the winning). (Maybe there are problems in the fandom we need to address because all this losing has done as much on our psyche as it has on the men playing and coaching the game, maybe).
I hope though. Which may sound like it ain’t much, but…
Every year I’m back hoping we can come back to the glory in victory that I saw “us” having in defeat. Because I will never give up on the team I love playing the game as the team (along with the fandom and my understanding of it) that helped me to understand how to be.
I am a Nebraska Cornhusker football lover for life. Such is the life of a boy born and raised in the great state of Nebraska.
I hope you’ll join in as I root my ass (sorry a-s-s) off for them for all the years to come.
50% of all donations to the blog will go to the Schizophrenia & Psychosis Action Alliance.
If you don’t know what Authority is it is the second book in the Southern Reach trilogy. If you don’t know it is a fantastic book.
In my opinion that is.
Someone needs to find a way to adapt that book into a sequel to the movie people do know, Annihilation. If nobody else is going to do it I will. Benedict Wong as Control is already a great fit to me. There are kinda problems, yes. Well a lot of them when it comes to creating a sequel to the film Annihilation…
but if you pulled it off as a screenwriter, as a filmmaker…
I mean some of the scenes you could build to…
Ahhhhhhh…
Anyway, just a warning that if nobody else is gonna try and make this sequel adaptation, I will.
Yet always remember that the book is always better. Or just listening to it.
Edited over the course of a couple days until the verdict from the Derek Chauvin trial was rendered.
There are many things I have forgotten in life. Of course, many things I’ve remembered as well. Yet what I do remember I tend to remember in little bite sizes. Pieces of memories that once, seemingly long ago, I could remember like the back of my hand. Yet there are those scattered flash bulb memories we have that capture our mind and hold it like the moth you catch in your home flying closer and closer to the light bulb or television. One such memory for me is when I went to the premiere of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone at some theater in my hometown of Lincoln, Nebraska.
Having read the books with my mom at some point in the near past I was excited as all get out to see the story I had become enraptured with begin on screen. I remember standing in line to get into the theater. I have little pictures in my mind of the ticket booth where we picked up our access key to get into the movie. I remember that the theater was at a small mall in town. Yet sitting here and writing this out I can barely remember the experience of watching the film. When it comes to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone my vivid experience is of my mom turning the page to the chapter where you find out Quirrell is the villain and not Snape.
No I don’t remember much of actually watching the first Harry Potter film in theaters. All my vivid memories of watching Harry Potter films came at a later date and much further into that series. What I remember most about that night was seeing an old man with a beard quite like Professor Dumbledore’s coming up over a rocky ridge in the mountains. In hindsight I can’t help but think of the grand score that was playing over that old man and the rest of the individuals walking towards me on screen.
“I think most of us can remember when we first discovered The Lord of the Rings.”
Me? I was wrapped by the trailer that I saw playing but had no idea what it was. That is until my dad blurted out, loudly, “their making The Lord of the Rings?”
Which piqued my curiosity. And… 20 years later having seen the series of films at least twice over the actual number of years that have come in between my first inkling of knowledge that it existed I’m struggling. Read a few of my early blog posts or just read the top of the page and you’ll see what my struggles are. My struggle with my mental illness, and hell, any struggle that I have at all, brings me back time and again to the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
My introduction to the story that has touched many “through the films [and] through the books,” which left the “feeling of being transported so completely to a world beyond our own” that I can’t forget, well… It began with that first, grand, teaser trailer. My journey to how I feel about the films now is very long with many ups and downs in between that first time I had ever heard of it and the next viewing I am going to start tonight. I believe everyone should view the films. Why?
Because both the books and the films serve as “one of the great stories of our time, not only because it serves as well-written escapism, but also because it touches on something deeper, something essential.” In fact “exploring Tolkien’s world was not just interesting. It was not even just fascinating. It was sheer joy. For [those who experienced the story] we knew that here we had touched truth. [These books and films were] a homecoming.” They “broke our hearts. Here was a world that was real, in fact, more real, more solid than the one we left behind when we opened the [cover] of [the] books” or started the films.
Which sounds almost hyperbolic to anyone who hasn’t seen or read the Lord of the Rings trilogy, correct? But I’m telling you its true.
For me, the Lord of the Rings trilogy of films represents and emphasizes “what drives us through hardship and suffering, and that, ultimately, is the belief that no matter how bad things get there is no darkness greater than the light, there is always hope.” They show on a grand scale the battle between good and evil. How that battle is fought by everybody everywhere simply in our own personal existence. Not only through the trials and tribulations we experience from the outside world, but from our own inner conflict between the good and bad we may do, say, and act upon. The films show how power can corrupt even the best of hearts and how even when we have done wrong, or less than we are capable of doing or being, we can find redemption.
Right now, redemption has started in the form of a just verdict being rendered. A verdict that has not let George Floyd’s murderer walk free. Redemption comes through a long and perilous journey to the good, right, and true sentiments that are shared by movements like Black Lives Matter and the fight for racial equality in general. The same for the fight for equal rights for men and women alike, and also with the fight for rights of the LGBTQ community.
I truly believe that this series of films and the books they were based on’s themes can help anybody in any struggle they are dealing with. The themes can, at the least, embolden and fortify ones understanding to never, ever give up hope in the fight for equality in our world. I believe through understanding and holding dear the themes of the film we can help humanity as a whole to overcome the evil within it that can be seen all over in our world today.
As I can tend to do. I’ll give you an out. Not the out you want, but the one undeserved. If you’re here and you don’t for some reason care for the groups I claim should feel emboldened by the Lord of the Rings trilogy, yet like the Lord of the Rings movies I would say watch these videos. But, also, ask yourself a couple questions. In what world are the forces of good the ones who fight for a lack of empathy?
“Power is limited to itself; it knows force, pride, and selfishness, but not gentleness, humility, and empathy. It knows how to take, but not how to sacrifice. And here we find a glimmer, [hopefully a summer,] of hope; an unexpected advantage, but only if were brave enough to use it. Only if we have the courage to do what is right.”
They may be a bit long, but I promise they are worth a watch if you have any interest in The Lord of the Rings.
Now where was I? Oh, yes, what I was trying to do is prove how what may seem like hyperbolic claims of what the story of the Lord of the Rings can accomplish is in actuality a very true statement.
You see the Lord of the Rings story is quite simple if you break it down. I mean really simple. A group of nine companions must take an evil ring to a volcano in the middle of enemy territory and drop the ring into the volcano to destroy it. Yet, three three hour films later you may feel physically and emotionally exhausted.
That is because the story, filled with exciting, dread inducing, action packed, suspenseful, and heartbreaking scenes and moments; is as perilous a journey as any that has ever been told. Does a perilous journey where the task we need to accomplish sound familiar to you? Because it does to me. In an innumerable amount of ways.
Part of what was so great about the films adapted from the books was that “Peter Jackson understood the mythological essence of Tolkien’s work, approaching it not as whimsical fantasy, but as actual history.” He used “New Zealand’s natural beauty to give Middle-Earth the strong sense of place that makes it feel both otherworldly as we ll as intimately familiar, and by composing a vast soundtrack that uses musical leitmotifs to enrich the various cultural histories and ground us further into the world as one [as if it] actually” existed. These “elements have since become inseparable from Tolkien’s work, and perhaps even vital to understanding it in its fullness.”
While Peter Jackson had a lot on his hands adapting the works of Tolkien on to the screen. What was there all along that keeps us coming back to both the books and the films, or, maybe, I shouldn’t speak for everybody here; what keeps me returning is the fact that the Lord of the Rings story is one that fulfills the ideals I both value and want to live up to.
I hope that I can show the courage to do the right thing for not only myself but for other people who are like me who deal with psychotic illnesses. Not only for those who deal with psychotic illnesses or mental illnesses in general, but also all those who struggle through the journey of life because of what is unjust and wrong in this world. So, in my case, I write these blog posts to hopefully show more within myself than the mere fact I deal with illness that have. I speak of problems facing others besides me (I need to do more). I hope to one day become notable enough, through this or through screenwriting, to be able to symbolize what many of us dealing with psychotic illnesses know to be true. We are more than what we may be labeled as.
George Floyd was labeled as well. Because he used substances that are illegal and such is the law that the police were able to treat him in such a manner that today, although his murderer is in jail, George Floyd does not get to see the wonderfully cathartic emotions of so many. A celebration in some senses of some sense of victory in such a vast amount of peril and defeat. Unjust actions taken by those in positions of power much of the time all over the place. It is a step in the right direction. Yet it comes at such a cost.
The Lord of the Rings trilogy shows a story where characters act in the manner I and many others want to act (valiantly, heroically) going through struggles harder than I may imagine myself actually having to go through. And… In the end… They achieve their goal and defeat evil. Doing so in the midst of times and situations the seemed hopeless.
Thus, I feel hope when I watch the film knowing that somebody can do it. Even if it’s a fictional character overcoming astronomical odds it is inspiring to see. I see the events that transpire and I see the end result is a victory for the forces of good. Yet, we are all both good and evil. We are not one or the other. We can stray from one to the other very easily, very quickly. Which can be a terrifying thought. Yet as long as we fight to stay on the side of good then we are doing something right, aren’t we?
The ring of power in the Lord of the Rings trilogy represents evil. Yet, also it represents all that achieve only for themselves. The character Sauron, who created the ring, created it to rule for his own sake and his selfish wants. He would not want virtue or valor, no honor, he would just want obedience to his will. Sauron and the ring are powerful, yes. Yet, power “is limited to itself; it knows force, pride, and selfishness, but not gentleness, humility, and empathy. It knows how to take, but not how to sacrifice.”
Gentleness, humility, and empathy. Those descriptive words do not sound like the causes that go against Black Lives Matter, or the fight for equality between both men and women, or the LGBTQ communities fight for their rights. In fact these communities, cultures, races, sexes, genders, all of them, show more courage in their daily lives than many may understand. Whether they fight for not only their beliefs, but the right thing to do, or whether they are simply dealing with the struggle that should not have to come with living their daily lives.
“There is hope for goodness, for courage, and for brotherhood. There is hope that our friends will not abandon us in the face of great evil, that they remain true when all hope seems to be lost.” The fellowship become friends through their journeys around Middle-Earth. And… “They can face evil as long as there remains love and [that] friendship between them, and such qualites are not about taking, they’re about giving.
Having the courage to love and show compassion to those that are different from you takes a lot of giving and is vital to all of these groups getting to the place in the world that they deserve to be. They were vital through the course of the Lord of the Rings trilogies story. Tree’s, elfs, men, hobbits, dwarfs all had to work together to defeat the source of evil in the world. If we keep the goal in mind of doing the right thing for ourselves and others maybe, just maybe we have a chance for the victory that was achieved in the Lord of the Rings story someday.
For now though, the story must be about one thing. That would be justice. The way I remember my initial introduction to the Lord of the Rings trilogy is how we must remember the story of George Floyd. The murder of a man. The use of a position of power over others to, furthermore, use a powerful tactic which may, and did, end in the death of an individual. Both the stories of Derek Chauvin and his crimes and the story of George Floyd his life and his death. (It would be wise to do of Chauvin’s experience too).
Stories are so important to the way we view the world. Myth even more so. Lord of the Rings was a mythological story that touched so many in the world because it let us feel, for once, that one day we could finally achieve that lofty, seemingly impossible goal, of ridding the world of evil.
I have no idea what this moment, in reality, feels like to anybody else, but for me it feels like this moment in the extended edition of The Lord of the Rings The Fellowship of the Ring.
For reference this is the part of the journey where everyone has come together and now they are heading out on their main mission.
As I saw the verdict of Derek Chauvin being read on CNN I thought of this scene. As if we are taking the very first steps on our journey towards true equality. Yet it may feel like this to some:
This is the end of the line, where evil is defeated in the land of Middle-Earth.
And… I can’t say it’s wrong to feel either way. It would make sense that for many hearing that Derek Chauvin was convicted of all the charges put forth in his direction to feel that it is a large victory. It is. But it is not the first and it most definitely will not be the last “battle” that we fight.
The fight is never over. Yet, even if we will always have to fight for what is right. We should cherish and never forget both the terrible crimes committed that brought us to come on the journey to rid ourselves of what does not fit in this world, evil; and the amazing feelings we may feel today, and hopefully, in future days when we achieve even loftier heights.
When all oppressed people are able to live fully free and equal.
In this world where all are equal.
All quotes are from the Like Stories of Old channel’s videos.
Edit: this may seem like an odd source to dispute my words, but I believe it’s good and necessary. Although I would rebut some of the way they are speaking with the idea that even if there’s no hope you never give it up.
There is one movie I will adore for all time. In fact there is much more than one I adore. I’m a screenwriter (technically aspiring) and I’ve seen a lot of movies. Truly I can’t tell whether I adore the film I speak of more than the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Alien, Arrival, or any number of other films I love. A lot of which I’ll get to at some point on this blog. Hell, all of the ones listed.
But… who cares if I adore this film or that film more. What is most definitely true is the film I am talking about here has moved me, inspired me, and, simply put, influenced my philosophy on life and it’s meaning. Can you guess what it is? I promise I will get to how beauty can save the world, but humor me. Guess.
You already know it was a flop. It was based on a novel of the same name. It is ambitious as hell. Two of the three directors are transgender. Oh, and America’s dad is in the starring role.
The film… Cloud Atlas.
I’ve never seen a movie like it. I have forgotten the actual experience of smoking weed before seeing the movie. Since having seen it sober quite a few times to make sure that I love it. Yet I’ll never forget the experience of watching the movie for the first time. I was enthralled right away. That is after the very first, indecipherable (on first viewing), scene.
You see the film isn’t very accessible to every viewing audience. The film is long, on first viewing the editing seems strange for a while, it’s subject matter to some is… controversial (which leaves me in a weird place when I’m touting a film that includes yellow face, yet the audience that would be less likely to care about that is who might find the film controversial).
In fact, as an example of it’s inaccessible nature one of my favorite things to say to my sister in texts is the quote “true, true.” The dialogue from the storyline (six count ’em six storylines edited together) which the quote comes is hard to understand and can sound funny to many. Hell I just put the quotation of “true, true” in the last sentence because I find it funny as hell and yet if you haven’t seen the movie you’re likely looking at your screen of choice going what?
What I’m trying to get at is that Cloud Atlas wasn’t popular critically or commercially. So why oh why am I writing this blog post with a title that says the film is the most influential flop of all time?
The truth is, well funny enough, in the title of the post. The film Cloud Atlas is the most influential flop of all time because without seeing it I would not understand the truth of the matter that beauty can save the world.
“Okay…” you say as you have now decided to close this tab or window because the blogger just told you that his opinion on whether beauty can save the world or not makes Cloud Atlas a super important movie. As if my opinion is of that much importance.
Just wait a minute. I can actually prove this. If you don’t believe me I’ll give you the kinda, sorta, easy way out. Just watch this (preferably, watch the film Cloud Atlas first):
For those of you still reading remember that this video is the basis for me understanding that beauty can save the world.
“Hey! But you said…”
I know. I know. I told you that the movie Cloud Atlas, the most influential flop of all time, is the reason I understand that beauty can save the world, and it is. In a sense.
I said that after viewing Cloud Atlas my philosophies on life and its meaning were altered. Those philosophies which hold dear to me still and the fact I love the film Cloud Atlas led me to view the video above when I came across it on youtube. Viewing that video led me to my understanding of how beauty can save the world. I may hold all these philosophies dear to me, but the first I learned came from seeing Cloud Atlas.
“While my extensive experience as a [blogger] has led me to a disdain for flashbacks and flash forwards and all such tricksy gimmicks I believe if you, dear reader, can extend your patience just a moment [longer] you will find there is a method to my madness” (Timothy Cavendish, Cloud Atlas).
In the spring semester of my years at a community college here in Illinois I began a philosophy 101 course. Still fresh in my mind was my love for the film Cloud Atlas and the ideas present in it. The idea that was most interesting to me was how events over the course of time influenced each other. More specifically small things that would seem innocuous to many. This idea I find kind of similar to the butterfly effect in some manner of speaking.
Well, during my time in philosophy 101 I was tasked with writing a paper talking about the philosophies of certain past philosophers. The philosophers I chose? Tolstoy and Epicurus.
While much of the paper I wrote I do not remember I do remember it had to do with me breaking away from my faith and how I began to fear death after that. The idea that there was nothing after death, as it is scary to many, was fear inducing to me. The philosophy of Epicurus helped me there in the idea that there is nothing when we die. We can neither feel anything emotionally or physically when we are dead so what is there to fear once death comes. I do not know how that got me to the point I later came to in the paper about our meaning in life (I assume the philosophy of Tolstoy was involved), but I do remember that philosophy.
The idea that maybe our purpose in life is to influence other people in any way we can. The idea being that any influence you have on another person can have a positive impact on humanity’s future. You can raise a child and one day they may do something great for humanity, you can simply smile at somebody walking down the street and if they were depressed that may keep them from committing suicide. Which may not sound like much, but think of all the other people in their life who would be impacted by their suicide, let alone the fact the person who commits that act may have been capable of something great for themselves and humanity.
Now, although we of course would like to have do something positive for other people throughout the world there is also the possibility that we have a bad day and do something that leaves others dealing with our negative actions. We should not be too fearful of that though because sometimes the negative actions we take can have a positive outcome in how somebody who had to deal with those actions reacts to them. For example someone who acted like a bully in school may feel terrible about their actions and that may lead them to try and do well for others later on in their life. Yet the person who was bullied could in fact do something that is good for themselves and others in the world because of the negative actions taken against them when they were in school.
Of course these negative things are not what we want to do to each other, but they are a fact of life in some sense. All over the world people are interacting each day over the internet, less likely right now in the streets, but hopefully soon enough we will be doing that more often. Billions of people can be impacting others and therefore leaving a positive impact on humanity as a whole for it’s future.
Which leads me to how beauty can save the world.
You may think by what I have just said the idea is that doing things that are beautiful for each other will further impact the world in a wonderful way and thus beauty can save the world. While that would be wonderful in theory you can look at the world around you and see how many terrible things are happening all around us. What I truly am going to say about how beauty can save the world starts with love.
“Huh” you say. “Didn’t you just say you weren’t talking about everyone doing beautiful and lovely things for each other?” Yes I did say that and what you may be thinking when I bring up love is different than the intent I have when I bring it up.
What I mean is that love may evolutionarily be something that was only intended to help us to make, rear, and protect children and the tribe around us. Evolutionarily speaking. Yet love has become so much more to us in how we have romanticized it and how we look at it today. Love no longer is just what it may have started out as.
Furthermore we aspire to this new idea of love that we have come up with and we, in some ways it seems to me, are succeeding in what we are aspiring to. Thus the beautiful things we aspire to in the world can come true even if they are not the fact of the matter right now.
Something else I tend to believe is that all people believe they are doing what is right and good for the world and the people around them. It may fall apart here to you and that is where I would love interaction on this idea, but say what I’m saying is true. Wouldn’t that mean, with the ideas that I have presented being true, what actually is good and right will eventually win out.
Thus the idea is that beauty can save the world. I will not say that it will. I like to think of myself as a realist (even if this idea is very utopian). Yet the fact that it can possibly be the case is a beautiful thought to me indeed. And…
If what we aspire to is beautiful, right, good, true, and just then maybe, just maybe, one day all of us will be able to live in a world where all of those virtuous things we believe in will be what we have. What we share in a world that is beautiful, right, good, true, and just.
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This isn’t very long and if you think you can finish the episode for yourself then go ahead and take it. I need to get working on it again and I’m confident I have the best way of finishing it, but make me look stupid.
It all comes back to this. I’ll never forget the first time I saw this trailer for the greatest game I’ve ever played, Red Dead Redemption 2. The way the music builds and swells right around the time Arthur Morgan begins to speak, saying “listen to me, when the time comes, you gotta run and don’t look back. This is over.” And…
It was over. For me anyway.
There is only one other game I have played in the last two or so years and that has been a small amount of the game Dishonored 2. I am constantly playing RDR2 and I don’t think I ever will stop. As long as I live I will always have this little thing in the back of my brain telling me to go back and restart the amazing campaign of Red Dead Redemption 2.
The world is so vast, so lush, beautiful, brutal, amazing, etc. that it can sometimes be hard to start playing. The story that you play through in the main campaign is, well, revelatory. Such is my own interpretation and experience with playing it. Which in a way is a little weird.
The game is a sequel/prequel to another game all about redemption for the main character that you play as. I loved the first game Red Dead Redemption as well, but the way I played through its story is a little odd. Well, more so it shows my lack of patience and the fact I needed a lot of action to be going on in the plot of a story to keep my attention at the time (I was 18).
There is a point during Red Dead Redemption when everything slows down a little bit. You bring cattle to your farm that you have won back. You finally see your family again and, in a way, it seems like the story is coming to a close. That it is just you and your family taking care of your settlement in the Great Plains of New Austin (the setting for RDR). At that point in the game I decided to stop playing.
Boy was I mistaken to do that at that point in the first game. There was quite a bit more in terms of plot development and emotional impact that the game would have had on me. Since I didn’t I missed out on an incredible experience many others had.
Yet, missing out on said experience others had at the time they went through it meant when I played through Red Dead Redemption 2 the story hit so much harder for me. Which is why I consider the story of Red Dead Redemption 2 as impactful as I find it.
At least that is why I think it may have had a slightly larger impact on me than it may have had on others.
I play with an Xbox One, though.
I don’t have a playstation.
While I love Red Dead Redemption’s 1 & 2 there is a story I still need to play on the playstation as great or greater.
Can you guess where I’m going with this?
This…
The Last of Us Pt. 2 is my favorite game that I’ve never played.
I want to go into spoilers so bad.
I want to say why I think this is one of the most important, impeccably made, and fantastically revolutionary games to ever come out. (I know, it’s kind of funny I know all the spoilers and I still think it’s my favorite game I’ve never played). Yet I think you and everybody else should play the first Last of Us game and this sequel to it. So…
I’ll just say that The Last of Us Part 2 is my favorite video game that I’ve never played.
And… an eye for an eye makes the world go blind. You bloodthirsty fools!
No matter your rooting interest in the NFL as long as you watch the sport it seems we all witnessed the Greatest Divisional Round Ever this past weekend. Every single game came down to the last minute. Also, each game included a heartbreaking loss. I think we can all agree about one thing though…
We’re all glad we are not Buffalo Bills fans.
As someone that only ever really watches the NFL during the playoffs nowadays (I’ve never had a team I really rooted for) I was enticed at the prospect of the Bills going to the Super Bowl. At the same time I knew their history like everybody else. Who hasn’t seen the 30 for 30 on Buffalo’s four straight Super Bowl losses?
“I haven’t.”
“That’s enough out of you Steve. I’m tired of setting up ESPN + for you.”
While I would hate to be a Browns fan, Lions fan, Jets, Jaguars, God forbid a Cowboys fan, I can’t imagine dealing with the pain of being a Buffalo Bills fan. To deal with the heartbreak of getting so close so many times and never being able to win the big one seems like, well… a curse. A debilitating task to deal with such moments through out someone’s life.
Thus you could almost say that being a fan of Nebraska isn’t such a horrible curse like it would be as a fan of the Bills. The idea of such pain. To be brought into existence, live, love, pay taxes, die, and all the while have the added heartbreak of actually believing greatness is possible, only to never achieve it. I say…
Screw what I’ve said so far.
Look at Georgia. ‘Bama when Saban first came to their program and won them their first in over a decade. All the programs who never had won before. Hell, just Sunday Tom F*%^ing Brady had the last minute drive he always does yet lost. The Rams and a QB (Stafford) who played for the mediocre Lions and could never win anything beat Brady.
The tide is turning. At the least it could. As the immortal Kevin Garnett once said…
“ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!”
Kevin Garnett
As a fan of the Nebraska Cornhuskers. As someone nearing their 30’s and cannot remember what it is like for Nebraska to win a championship. Being a person who loves to root for the underdog. The perennial loser. The Browns sometimes. As a fan of sport. The greatest feeling ever seems like it has to be the win that comes when all is nigh, when it seems all hope is lost.
Ladies… Gentlemen… How do you describe the 2021 Cornhusker football season as anything other than the season we couldn’t take anymore? The season of heartbreaking loses. Seemingly the season all hope was lost.
We’ve done it. We hit rock bottom. Where else do we possibly go but up.
All we’ve got to do is crawl through 500 yards of s*&t. We’ll get clean on the other side. Us and our tiny bar of prison soap. You know why?
Can you even remember the first movie that ever made you cry?
The question came up in my mind recently and, funny enough, I can’t remember what film actually got me to cry first. No, for some reason it’s more complex and weird than that (because, well, it’s me). I cannot remember what the first film to make me cry was, but…
What I remember for sure in regards to the question I pose are two things in particular. First is the film that I remember crying at the end of and realizing the idea that movies were just going to make me cry at times. That that would be okay. The film…
Peter Jackson’s King Kong.
King Kong
Second, when I talk about the first movie that made me cry I think of the one film which I now look back on and think “that was the one that should’ve done it.”
We all have that one movie that impacts us emotionally in a vastly different and unique way. The film grips us in this manner which, in many cases, we can’t explain. At least not for a very long time. In my own life the film which impacts me in such a way is The Iron Giant.
Why does any of this come up? Well, if you are an internet and, specifically, YouTube fiend like I am then there may be a channel on the website devoted film that draws your attention. More specifically, the channel will draw your attention if you are a fan of video essays about films.
The YouTube channel?
Film Joy, or, Movies with Mikey.
As an internet connoisseur myself Movies with Mikey was just a wonderful thing to be able to find on YouTube when I found it. Of course, the first film that drew me to the channel?
The Iron Giant.
Both the film itself and Movies with Mikey’s video essay on the film are fantastic. If you don’t believe me then watch for yourself.
If you didn’t watch the video then shame on you. Although you probably have stuff to do in your life other than spend 14 minutes beyond what you planned on spending reading this article. So I’ll live, but if you do have the time then go ahead and watch it.
Now, time to rewind…
Back in 1999 when The Iron Giant was first released my life was strife with the hassle and abuse of being bullied in school. Right around that year, my seventh in existence, I had grown a bit both upwards and outwards and had just moved to a new school. Here I was the outcast.
Not only was I the outcast who would get bullied, but like I said I grew upward and outward. I was bigger than other kids and I was also stronger. So, my recourse when I would get verbally harrassed by other kids… simply try and fight them. I wanted to let these kids feel the pain they were inflicting upon me and, in the way I chose my recoursive actions, then would get into trouble as if I were in fact the bully.
So you can imagine a character that was large and strong with a ‘heart’ of gold would speak to me. Yet, I cannot remember how I reacted in the theater watching the Iron Giant. I know I saw it. I know I saw it in theaters, which… is quite the feat since The Iron Giant flopped at the box office. I remember I saw it with my mom, sister, and cousin. But for the life of me I can’t remember what my reaction was to the scene of the movie. And…
If you have not seen The Iron Giant then I can’t help but tell you there is one scene that stands out above the rest. A scene I would venture to say will go down as one of the saddest in the history of animated films. In fact I can only think of two other animated films with scenes like it.
First and foremost is the O.G.
And, of course, the second you all know. You know it all too well.
For those of you that have not seen The Iron Giant. Comparing a scene from that movie with these scenes in Bambi and The Lion King may seem an outlandish claim. Well…
Watch the movie.
Because when you do you will come to understand what many around the world will now tell you.
One of the saddest scenes in movie history is, well it’s…
This…
(But, like I said, watch the movie first).
(Hey, watch the damn movie!)
Thank You
The Iron Giant
And I cannot remember whether I cried at this scene as a kid.
On the other hand I can barely begin watching that clip now without bawling my eyes out.
You see as closely as I may be able to associate my childhood feelings with what the Iron Giant must’ve felt like now that I am older, I’ve become even more closely drawn in to an association with the character. Now I watch the film and I see a symbolic nature to the Giant. Something a bit different than Movies with Mikey pointed out. Now I can’t help but see myself in that amazing hunk of metal.
I was bullied as a kid. Yes, that sucks, but developing schizoaffective disorder though, developing any of a number of psychotic illnesses, that is a tragic story unto itself.
So it seems at least.
I may see similarities between the Iron Giant and my childhood self in retrospect. I may have even felt it when watching the film in theaters. Yet, now, I know I feel every bit of it. Deep down in my soul. The very fiber of my being.
The symptoms of my psychotic illness began during the summer of 2014 and, obviously, I will never forget what that was like. I was scared, hoping people wouldn’t find out. The idea that people would know what I dealt with would mean that people would look at me as a monster. And I didn’t feel like one.
Yet, was I?
In truth, the fact was and is I am a human being. Just as anybody else in the world I am someone capable of actions that are good, great, terrible, monstrous, etc., but I couldn’t see the forest through the trees back then. In fact many out there in the world can’t either.
Many may hear that I have this mental illness and they fear what I may do because of this illness, this disability, I have. When, ironically, it is much more likely that I will deal with a violent crime being committed against me than it is I will commit a violent crime against another person due to the illness I have. In reality people like me dealing with this illness, others dealing with a seperate one, and ‘normal’ people are capable of being and or doing good or terrible things.
As was the Iron Giant.
Now, the Iron Giant may not be a human being, but the Giant is unequivically human in the way he acts. Angry, sad, scared, hurt, etc. he mirrors us, more specifically Hogarth in all the manners we need him to so we know what he is capable of. Good, goodness, in fact, let’s be honest, greatness.
Yet, throughout the entire film human beings are scared of him. In some ways rightly so. He is a humongous metal man with the cabilities and built in power to commit actions of mass destruction. But you and I know better than that. Deep down he’s a sweet heart.
I feel a kinship with the Iron Giant. I feel we all should. We are all “who we choose to be.”
As a Nebraska Cornhusker football fan the season of 2021-22 has been, well…
You know how it has been if you’re a Husker fan, but…
It’s been fucking rough.
I don’t know about you, but in my own case I tend to get extremely excited every year as the football season starts to come around. Hell, by the time spring practice is up and the spring game has been played I’m already a bit too obsessed. Of course, in my own opinion, that is really only due to the nature of what has happened each season since about 2015 for us fans of Nebraska.
Each year towards the end of spring practices I tend to start listening to podcasts about how the Huskers look that year. Soon I’m obsessed with that. Each consecutive week waiting impatiently for the next podcast to come out for me to listen to and begin spouting off about to my family. Each year I am, to put it mildly, hopeful for the forthcoming season.
Which has made this year all the more tough. You see I finally got around to starting to write and I wrote an article about my Husker fandom which you can find here:
I think it’s pretty good. In fact I have gotten a lot of the views my blog has received from very kind Husker fans who tell me the article is quite good. For the most part.
The article wouldn’t be much of an issue if it weren’t for the fact it kind of got me even more hyped for this season. You see I am finally getting around to the aspects of my own life that hopefully will bear fruit in the coming weeks, months, and years as I blossom into a better writer, and, hopefully…
One who is successful in the writing industry.
I had kind of seen this years team as one that would do similar things. Showing the world what a lot of us as Husker fans have either known, believed could be there, or just hoped would come around some day. The success and fight of yesteryear that our state takes pride in showing through our football team and the way in which we show our support for them.
Which makes this year all the more disappointing for me personally.
Now for many of you that may sound like I am simply reacting to the losses. The fact we have not shown a successful transition of what we have hoped and believed could come from this roster of Husker players in the form of success on the football field. Wins, not losses.
No, that may be disappointing, but I can’t possibly sit here as I write and say anything but the truth. The fact that the real dispiriting reality of this season is, in my opinion if you are paying close enough attention, the fact we are so close. So near showing what this state and it’s people are all about through seeing the success we want to see on the football field.
Because we sure as hell seem to show fight. I honestly don’t know how some of our fans seemingly aren’t proud of what our team has played like this year. Especially our defense.
We have played four top ten teams this year and never has our defense dissapointed me in how they have played in any of those games. Our offense is a bit of a different story, but even the offense you can still see the potential there.
I know. I know. This all is quite a bit depressing because even showing the fight that we have as a football team we have yet under coach Scott Frost to have a winning record. And, before any of that, we have constantly had huge issues winning “the big one.”
So why am I even writing this…
Because, people, I still have hope. Call me delusional. Call me whatever you want to. I still believe there is hope to be found in this squad of talented young men. Still there is hope to be found in this depressing slog of a season wins wise.
Each year I get obsessed and excited with what may be possible with the Nebraska Cornhusker football team. Maybe I was too excited this year, but…
Every single year you know what I say to my sister?
It has been a joke between us since the 2016 season.
Every year the season starts and I start saying “Miracle Season.”
Every. Single. Year.
I said it this year. Said it before the season started. Also said it after the first loss to Illinois. I may have lost hope in the CFP after the loss to Oklahoma, but man was I even more confident at that point it could be a good ride we had this year.
Now when I say “Miracle Season” what do you think of?
Personally I think of a season like Auburn’s in 2013-14. One of those years where you have those incredible, amazing, improbable wins where you just can’t believe the team is still in the race for so long. Then… suddenly it becomes a question. Is this a team of destiny?
You know what I’ve realized this year?
Even though I’ve always been interested in seeing a “Miracle Season” for the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Something like what my parents say 1994 was. I don’t think that is the way this is going to go.
I believe we have something way different in store for us fans of Nebraska.
Something that may be even more fun.
I’m 90% certain that once we get that big win, well…
It’ll be off to the races from that moment on.
This team, our Nebraska Cornhuskers, when they get their first win against a big opponent are going to go on a run. A run of beating the everloving shit out of people.
And…
Boy is it gonna be fun.
So sit back, wait till next Saturday, and let’s see if we get that win against Wisconsin. Or Iowa (Lord please let us beat the ever loving snot out if Iowa) the Saturday after that.
Because next year is going to be one hell of a ride.
I don’t know about you, but I have been rooting for underdogs for as long as I can remember.
It’s the reason I love to watch the NCAA Tournament every year waiting for that fantastic finish where a #12 seed upsets a #5. The same goes for when somebody in the NFL goes on a run as the #6 seed, or, nowadays, what would be the #7 seed. Hell, it is probably the reason I still am willing to sit through entire blowouts the Nebraska Cornhusker football team suffers for that one in a million moment when we finally pull off the win “our” program truly needs.
The odds are never in my favor, but…
Boy when the underdog wins it leaves this intoxicating feeling inside of you, doesn’t it?
(Provided your team isn’t the one losing to the underdog).
So it only seems logical that one of my more recent obsessions in sports has been watching historically bad or cursed teams make a run at greatness. From the Cavaliers in the NBA to the Cubs in MLB, I’ve become interested in whether these teams, these franchises, can do it. If they will be able to put those historically painful moments behind them and achieve immortality in the world of sports.
So, of course, for the past few seasons I have been rooting for the Browns.
Up until last year it was seeming unlikely the franchise could ever achieve anything more than mediocrity. 8-8 seemed to be the best they would achieve. Always missing out on the playoffs and being the same old Browns.
But… then came last year. That win against the Steelers in the first round. Then the game against the Chiefs. No one gave them a chance. (In either game really). That was the moment I truly became a Browns fan for however long this “run” lasts.
It wasn’t that they won, as I assume you know. It was that they fought back. They almost pulled it off. They nearly beat the… well the team to beat in all the NFL. Yes, it nearly happened because Pat Mahomes was hurt, but nonetheless I felt a bit of kinship with Browns fans at that moment.
Now, I could never understand their pain fully. I’m a born and bred Nebraska Cornhusker fan. I have been taught that the greatness that us Husker fans feel is pretty much a birthright. So there is this inkling of hope in the past twenty years of misery for the fans of the Nebraska Cornhuskers. What have the Browns had?
There’s “The Drive.” Ernest Byner’s fumble. Everything the Browns and their fans have been through since. Oh, and the fact one of the greatest offensive Linemen ever played for them his whole career and never got to play in the playoffs.
Why do the fans keep rooting for them? Heck, why does the misery of the franchise and it’s fans make me want to root for them? There must be some sensible reason we do this to ourselves. Root for the team we know is likely going to lose for that “one in a million” moment. That euphoric feeling we get when the supposed loser wins.
As far as I can tell it must have to do with the power of the underdog. We all can get behind an underdog, can’t we? As much as we may want to see our teams win, it makes it all the sweeter when they aren’t favored to win.
So, yes we favor the underdog, but why?
Well, we favor the underdog because, generally, we are the underdog. At the least we associate ourselves with being the underdog. It can be hard for us to associate with perennial winners (Bill Simmons, New England fans, I’m talking about you). So who do we root for but the team expected to lose.
Is that it? The end of the story, goodbye.
There has to be more. More to the fact that people are willing to put themselves through immense amounts of emotional turmoil just to see the one day when everything goes their way.
Yes, there is, but I’m just a Nebraska Cornhusker fan. One who doesn’t have a favorite team in the NFL. I don’t have all the answers. At least, not yet. So I root for the underdog, the perennial loser, the pained, the lost, the proud. The Browns.
This is simply my short screenplay based off of a blog post of the same name about an interesting story from my past. You can read the post first if you want right here:
I believe it to be really good (both the blog post and short script) so I figured I could let people see for themselves. Plus I’ll always love more feedback than just the screenplay competition I am in.
So, here is the first draft of the script, the final draft is below that:
Somehow some way our Cornhuskers pulled another defeat out of the jaws of victory and we were excited after it. Normally we, or at least I, would be pessimistic about all of this. Yet, the Nebraska Cornhusker football team still has a chance at some interesting things this year.
At least it seems. The way Nebraska played against the Sooners was valiant. The defense showed what it is capable of. (In fact this may be the best Nebraska’s defense has been since the 09’ – 10’ range). The offensive unit had their mistakes, but the potential can be seen. But…
Then there was the rough part. Michigan State. Boy that was such a tough loss. In fact it has taken me a while to write this because of how heartbroken I’ve been. Right up until the very end of the game I just felt like it was meant to be. That it was our time.
The signs were all there. We had all the dumb penalties. Plenty of times when we could have produced more than we did, yet I just had to believe. And…
To be dead honest.
I still have to.
MSU is a good football team. Now they have an offense to go with a punishing defense. And that defense may live up to their ex coaches namesake. This was not a game to be taken lightly even if MSU was one of the only teams in the B1G that we’ve had good performances against.
Yet I did.
All that and we had to mourn Sam Foltz’s passing once again. I don’t know whether to say I can’t wait for next week, that I don’t even want to watch next week, or whether I just want to sit and cry on my couch.
Oh… Damn it Northwestern!
Seriously?
The fact of the matter is that at the least I took MSU lightly. I mean I didn’t completely believe it would be a blow out. I just really hoped for one.
I really do believe this is the year the turn around starts coming to fruition a bit. Do I believe it will begin against Northwestern. I don’t know.
What I do know is that I have to hope it will.
That after this coming weekend we, as in the Nebraska Cornhuskers, will be well on our way to 9-3 or 8-4.
Something that will make us Cornhuskers fans proud.
Maybe, maybe not. But… that is the story of LeBron James career.
Okay so in the first season LeBron was this kind of dirty cop right, but with a good heart. He’s got to search for this kid see, but the kid is dead, or is he? Then we find out he had a kid, but she died. You see, he’s gone through what Joyce is going through but Joyce’s kid is alive you see. And then in season two he becomes a dad again. The third season he’s kind of a shlubby version of you’re favorite spies and cops mixed together and he makes the ultimate sacrifice and he… wait, he’s alive and…
I’ve been waiting too long for season 4 of Stranger Things. Things are starting to get weird.
No, LeBron James is not Jim Hopper. (Although weirdly I wouldn’t mind LeBron doing a parody version of Hop sometime).
No, LeBron is a never ending story.
47 minutes of highlights and it doesn’t even include LeBron’s last two seasons.
His story epitomizes the journey of NBA superstars after the career of Michael Jordan.
From metaphorical womb to metaphorical tomb LeBron’s story has never been his own. He was the prodigy. The Chosen One. Then he couldn’t live up to the hype. He was a failure. A comeback story. Then a failure again. A comeback story, again. All the while being so much more than any of that.
In my opinion he’s been the best player in the league since 08′.
Yet LeBron can never live down what the media and he himself built him up to be. The one who would be better than MJ. How could such a bold claim ever be lived down, lived up to, and, most of all, surpassed?
I mean what was LeBron going to do? Play two careers as good as MJ’s?
(LeBron that is not a challenge damn it)!
No, living up to the what LeBron was claimed to be never really was something that could be possible. MJ was, is, and always will be a singular player. He is the Babe Ruth of basketball except he’s probably better than The Bambino.
Nobody is ever going to let LeBron unequivocally be the best that ever was. Those of us that grew up with LeBron as our favorite player can call him the GOAT all we want, but there will never be a day where LeBron is truly considered the Greatest Of All Time.
So what is even the point?
I mean we’ve seen LeBron do this…
And this…
All of this…
How about this…
Must I go on? Do I even need to remind you? Of this…
How on earth is all of that summed up by the statement that LeBron isn’t as good as another player in the NBA’s history?
For my own part in this it feels even worse.
Why can’t I say LeBron is the GOAT?
He has been my favorite player since 2006. I’ve watched nearly his entire career. He’s in fact my favorite player of all time. So…
What is it?
Is MJ that much better? I don’t think so.
In fact my theory used to be that LeBron was MJ reincarnate in NBA terms.
Basically that we had gone through however many years of NBA basketball up to the era that LeBron joined the league and now it was going to head in the reverse direction. Kobe was a stop gap in between in my opinion. Then LeBron was MJ. Next we would have another Bird and Magic. So on and so forth.
I thought LeBron’s career would mirror MJ’s. He would win his first title the same amount of years into being in the league as MJ. He would win 6 titles like MJ. As many MVP’s. All of it.
(I was in high school if that makes it seem less dumb somehow).
Then he joined the Heat.
He was still my favorite player. In fact I loved those Miami years. They were fun to watch.
But there was no way he could be like Mike from that point on. And…
You know his story from that point on.
The Never Ending Story
So what is this Never Ending Story that LeBron is fulfilling in his career?
Well, first, is how LeBron epitomizes the NBA’s journey after having had it’s most singular player, MJ, leave the game.
The NBA has always been the most fun league to argue over who is the best player. Whether that be in the current day and age or for all time. To have an objective answer is impossible, but…
Why would that matter?
Not only is the debate endless, it is befitting of the sport where one player can change so much about how any single game is played. So why LeBron? Well because while MJ is the most singular player in NBA history (so much so another player tried to copy him beat for beat and we still don’t consider him near as good), LeBron is it’s most singular talent.
We could all see the potential of LeBron. That was clear. Yet how could he be better than MJ?
No matter what nobody can live up to being another Mike for so many reasons, but since LeBron is the first to even come close, and since he is closer to MJ’s day and age than those in the future will be, he gets the brunt of the…
“Well he ain’t as good as Mike” crowd.
Because of who MJ was, because of the marketing around MJ, hell because MJ was called Black Jesus, there is no way anyone is going to be considered what he was. It is, well, a never ending story.
Second though…
It Isn’t Over
I’ve been a fan of LeBron since 2006, like I said earlier. I became a fan because of his performances against the Washington Wizards. I’ll never forget that dribble on the baseline to put in what was nearly a buzzer beater (technically was). I was rooting so hard for him against the Pistons that year.
I watched the ’48 Special’ live. Same with LeBron’s buzzer beater against the Magic in game 2 of the ECF. I watched every single Miami playoff game he played in. I tried to do the same in 2015 when he was playing for the Cavs again.
I’ve watched every single LeBron James buzzer beater more than one time. Yet…
When LeBron lost to the Warriors in 2017 I thought his chances of being the GOAT were over.
The loss to the Warriors in the first game of the 2018 Finals put the nail in the coffin for me.
LeBron would never be able to be as great as Michael Jordan.
He moved to LA and I knew.
And it still isn’t over.
LeBron is still the best player on the planet. The singular talent of all time and the best player of his generation. 18 years LeBron has played the game of basketball for all of us to see. On the biggest stages.
Why do I keep coming back to him as my favorite player? Because he keeps proving that I may be wrong. It’s still possible he could become the GOAT.
So, heading into LeBron’s 19th season, enjoy him while we have him.
Because just like Mike there will never be another LBJ.
Schizoaffect92 
